Yakity Yak
by BLT
Summary: It was bugging me that this wasn't done so I finished it, could you read it please?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Do I really have to tell you that the characters and ship belong to Paramount

Disclaimer: Do I really have to tell you that the characters and ship belong to Paramount?

Author's Note: Everybody's writing all these sad stories for Endgame and stuff, I guilty of that too. But now I'm here to cheer everybody up. I've got these people saying stuff that we say now but they won't say then, much to my spellchecker's dismay. When someone says something strange to someone else, the next thing the other person says has to be weird too. This makes for some very interesting one on one conversations. To try to help you figure out who is saying something weird, I put their name in bold when they say it. Also, if I think that you aren't going to figure out what a certain thing means, I'll tell you what it is. 

Blooper (I'm not really sure if we're allowed to put these in, but I was in a crazy mood, here goes): In day of Honor, B'Elanna and Tom are floating in space. B'Elanna says, "I have to tell you this… I love you." A strange expression crosses Tom's face, but she keeps going, saying, "Say something." Tom replies, "ACHOO!!!" From somewhere off stage comes a, "Gadzuitheit. (sp?)" B'Elanna/Roxann starts babbling, "Okay, now I'm glad that we have these suits on because he would have sneezed all over me." The end. 

Yakity Yak

When woke up one morning, she had the irresistible urge to say something crazy. When she stepped out of the cargo bay into the outskirts of a large group of people, she finally found something to talk about.

****

Seven yelled, "Aye, who cut the cheese? (Who farted? The rest is ways to say it wasn't me)"

All conversation as everyone put their thumbs to their noses and wiggled the rest of their fingers.

One **crewman** said, "Whoever smelt it dealt it."

An **ensign** replied, "Whoever denied it supplied it."

A **second crewman** put in; "The faker's the maker."

Noticing that she had been accused, Seven blushed and promptly left.

A **crewman** said to Harry Kim, "Who said there's no such thing as a dumb blonde?"

Harry shrugged and left for the bridge with an irresistible urge to say something crazy.

When **Harry** reached the bridge, he called out, "Hommie Gee." (Common greeting of gangsters)

This was met with a "Howdy," from **Tom.**

Janeway walked up to Harry and asked, "what was that all about?"

****

Harry replied, "Well, you see, that's an interesting question, because I'm not really sure."

Not satisfied with that answer, but deciding to shrug it off, **Janeway** walked across the back of the bridge with the intention of going to her ready room.

****

She stopped at when she reached Tuvok, but instead of saying, "you have the bridge," all that came out was, "Wazzup?"

"Bug off," was **Tuvok's** reply.

Confused at both herself and Tuvok, **Janeway** said, "Wow there killer."

****

Tuvok, who seemed royally pissed off, replied, "Go eat yourself."

A now dumbfounded **Captain** said, "Bite me."

Which was met with a, "That's what I told you to do," from **Tuvok**.

Then Chakotay stepped off the turbolift next to them and paused, watching the heated argument.

"Go jump in a lake," said **Janeway** to Tuvok, now yelling.

"Go fly a kite," replied **Tuvok**.

"Go eat a bug," counters **Janeway**.

Chakotay intervened by saying, "Is, uh, is there anything I can help you with?"

Chakotay was yelled at by both **Tuvok and Janeway** simotaniously, who both said, "Go crash a shuttle."

Chakotay seemed to shrink a couple of feet as he slinked back into the turbolift.

"Uh, sorry Tuvok. I'll be in my ready room," said Janeway resuming her original mission. She left the bridge with a definite dazed and confused look on her face.

****

Chakotay started walking toward the shuttlebay. He had no intention of crashing a shuttle, but he needed a place where he could get over the scariest thing that had ever happened to him. When he entered the shuttlebay, Chakotay immediately noticed a serious lack of Delta Flyer. 

Looking to the ensign who was making repairs to a shuttle**, Chakotay** asked, "Dude where's my car?" (Car = shuttle)

The **ensign** replied, "MIA." (Missing in action)

"That's bull, it was here yesterday," **Chakotay** pointed out. (Bull is short for bull $^!%)

"That was yesterday," replied the **ensign**.

"So where is it today?" asked **Chakotay**.

"It took a hike and so should you," said the **ensign**.

****

Chakotay ran out of the shuttle bay crying, "Nobody loves me!"

The **ensign** soon left the shuttlebay and headed to engineering.

When he got to engineering, the **ensign **called out to no one in particular, "That was crazy man!"

****

Vorik, who was working nearby asked, "Huh?

The **ensign** said, "It was creepy, I made Chakotay cry."

"What'd you do?" asked **Vorik**.

"I told him to take a hike," answered the **ensign**.

"Bad news," replied **Vorik**.

"How so?" asked the **ensign**.

****

Vorik replied, "He's the big guy in charge, are we understanding each other?"

"Right," said the **ensign**.

****

Vorik walked over to B'Elanna and said, "How now brown cow?"

****

B'Elanna replied, "Watch it buster."

****

Vorik replied, "Oky doky."

"Simmer down now, capish?" **B'Elanna** emphasized the last word with a menacing tone.

****

Vorik cowered down and squeaked, "Capish."

An exasperated **B'Elanna** walked by a crewman and exclaimed, "Brown cow, the nerve!"

The low hum of conversation that went through engineering soon consisted of strange sayings and insults. 

Crewman Malley, who was trying to fix a modulation in the power grid, was approached by **Ensign Collins** who said, "Peace man."

"This blows," replied **Malley**

"Wanna fill me in?" asked **Collins**.

"Indubitably," replied **Malley**.

"So…" prompted **Collins**.

"Read it and weep," **said Malley**

"Um, yikes," exclaimed **Collins**.

"Yeah, the whole friggin' is off," pouted **Malley**.

"Never fear, super ensign is here," said **Collins.**

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" said **Malley**.

"Let me teach you the ways of the world," said **Collins**.

"I'm scared," replied **Malley**.

"I know how to nab this problem in the butt," bragged **Collins**.

"Well quit yappin' and fix it," exclaimed **Malley**.

"Well alrighty then," said **Collins**.

"Knock yourself out," replied **Malley**, getting quite tired of Anderson's constant bragging.

When the console overloaded and went dead, **Ensign Collins** said, "What are the odds of that."

"No comment," was all that **Malley** could say.

"Step aside, I'm a man on a mission," said **Collins**, striding off towards a jefferies tube.

"Ya don't say," said **Malley**, following him.

"I'm gonna be a macho man," said **Collins**.

"You're scaring the livin' crud outta me," said **Malley**, sarcastically.

"Stick a cork in it," replied **Collins**.

"Who died and made you king?" asked **Malley**.

"Take a chill pill," said **Collins**. (A way to say chill out)

"Come off it," said **Malley.**

"No can do," said **Collins.**

"Suit yourself," said **Malley**.

"Don't mind if I do," said **Collins**.

"Talk to the hand," said **Malley**.

"I don't need your attitude, I got my own," said **Collins**.

"So I noticed," said **Malley** as they approached their destination in the jefferies tube.

"Ooh, big scary bubba's out to get me," whined **Collins**. 

"Quit dissing yourself," replied **Malley**. (Dissing = insulting)

"Not the brightest crayon in the box are we now?" asked **Collins**.

"Not the sharpest tool in the shed," said **Malley**, reaching in to the access port.

"Whatcha doin'?" asked **Collins**.

"You're the criminal mastermind, not me," said, **Malley**, evading the question.

Scanning the apparatus with a tricorder, **Collins** said, "How'd you pull that one off, ya fixed it."

****

Malley replied, "I read your mind when ya wasn't lookin'."

"Coolio," exclaimed **Collins**, "That thing was doin' worse than a shiskabob and you fixed it!"

"Now who's the macho man, er woman?" asked **Malley**.

"I grovel at your feet," said **Collins**.

"Shall we go then?" asked **Malley**

"Whatever floats your boat," replied **Collins**.

"Whatever honks, your horn," said **Malley**.

They both started crawling back out of the jefferies tube, feeling very happy with themselves.

When they reached engineering again, **they both** started singing, "Bow wow wow yipio yipia bow wow yipio yipia." (That's from a song)

A few minutes later, Crewman Malley was approached by **B'Elanna**, who said, "Word on the street is you fixed that fluctuation all by yourself."

****

Malley replied, "What can I say, I'm just a rocket scientist."

"We're all rocket scientists," **B'Elanna** pointed out.

"Well, ya don't have ta rub it in," complained **Malley**.

B'Elanna smiled and walked off.

Not long afterwards, **B'Elanna** passed the Captain, who had just tried to walk through a closed door, in the corridor and said, "Nice move."

Janeway gave her a look that was a combination of her death glare and an expression that only could only say, "ouch"

Via her com badge, Chakotay called the Captain to sickbay; Janeway arrived a few minutes later.

Chakotay had noticed that something was wrong and had gone to the doctor to try to find some answers. Janeway walked in a few minutes later. Chakotay had already explain the situation to the Doctor. 

The Doctor said, "First we will want to try to find out where it all started." 

"Harry brought it too the bridge, and he was outside of cargobay two before he reported for duty," said Chakotay.

"Seven done it," exclaimed **Janeway**, and then asked, "How could you have figured out where Harry was before his shift?"

"I have inside connections and the virus is in here!" exclaimed **Chakotay**.

"Seven, get your Borg-behind to sickbay," **Janeway** called, tapping her com badge.

****

Seven soon arrived and stepped in the door saying, "Yo."

"Mind if we grill you for a minute?" asked **Janeway. **(Interrogate)

"Shoot," said **Seven**. (Go ahead)

"What was the first thing you thought this morning," asked the Doctor.

Seven replied, "I just wanted to say something crazy."

"You done it!" exclaimed **Janeway**.

"My bad," said **Seven**, dropping her eyes to the floor. 

"Eureka! I've got it!" cried the** Doctor**, "It's a virus from a plant we picked up a few days ago that is being stored in cargo bay two."

"What makes you so sure," asked **Seven**.

"Cuz I ate my fair share of smarties this morning," replied the **Doctor**. (Smarties = a candy that supposedly makes you smart, not really)

"Let's go figure out what plant this is," said Janeway.

As they were leaving, **Chakotay** cried out, "Let's blow this Popsicle stand!"

When they stepped outside of sickbay, many crewmembers sprinted by, almost running them over.

"What's all the hullabaloo about?" asked **Janeway.**

"Let's go check it out," said **Seven**.

Janeway, Chakotay, the Doctor, and Seven all started running until they reached the source of the commotion. The rest of the crew were yelling like madmen and cramming themselves into the jefferies tubes. This wouldn't have been a problem if someone hadn't sealed off all but ten jefferies tubes. 

Janeway, Chakotay, the Doctor, and Seven soon found themselves rushing into the jefferies tubes along with the rest of the crew with the **Doctor** yelling, "Let's party!"

When everyone was squished inside the jefferies tubes, all that could be heard among the masses of sprawled people was fragmented conversations, mostly caused by what the Doctor laughingly called, "The Virus."

All around people were saying things like;

"Don't move a muscle!"

"Ow, okay, that was my funny bone!"

"Watch it pal!"

"You want a piece of me?"

"Do you have any idea of where you just kicked me?"

"Well, I do now!"

"Paws off sister!"

"Get offa me!"

"Who turned out the lights?"

"You did brainiac!"

"Bring it on!"

"Stop, that tickles!"

"No touchee!"

"Get a room!"

"Did you mean to sock me in the face?"

"Get your smelly dogs outta my face!" (Dogs = feet)

Suddenly someone screamed and yelled, "It's the boogie man and he's gonna get us!"

Everyone started screaming and scrambling as best they could to get to the doors.

Once everyone was out, **Harry** found Tom and B'Elanna and said, "That took some major talent."

****

B'Elanna looked at her reflection in a display board and freaked out, crying, "They messed up my hair."

Then **Tom** screamed, "I broke a nail!"

"Oh poor baby," said B'Elanna, kissing his finger.

"I'll get over it," cried **Tom**.

"You're an animal," said **B'Elanna**.

"Hey," said **Tom**, "I've got a serious case of the munchies, you wanna go grab something to eat?"

They start walking toward the mess hall, but wound up behind your average corridor hogs, who were walking slow and not allowing anyone to pass them.

Getting tired of walking so slow, **Harry** called to them, "Hey, if you were walking any slower, you'd be goin' backwards."

"Give it a rest," called **one of them**, as they all started walking slower than humanly possible.

"Slick," said **Tom** to Harry concerning the speed that they were now walking.

"March," B'Elanna yelled and the other group immediately sped up.

"Please don't hurt me," called another one of them.

****

Harry said, "Smooth," as Tom tripped over his own shoe.

"Like, cool it guys," said **B'Elanna**.

"Why, like, are, like, you, like, saying, like, like?" asked **Tom**.

"Just felt like doin' somethin' crazy," replied **B'Elanna**.

"Have mercy," pleaded **Tom**.

"Oh, I need some java," sighed **Harry**.

"Jabba or java?" asked **Tom**, who had obviously not heard him correctly.

"Yeah, Jabba da hut, no Einstein, java as in coffee," explained **Harry** sarcastically. (Jabba da Hut is the worm guy from "Starwars")

"Alright, gosh, you don't have to bite my head off," cried **Tom **trying to take a playful slap at Harry's face.

"Aye," said **B'Elanna**, "you can pick on your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose."

"Oh please," said Tom, noticing what she was getting at and immediately calling off his assault.

"People these days," said **B'Elanna**, as they walked into the mess hall, "they just don't know their head from their butt."

When they reached the front of the line for lunch, **Tom** inquired to Neelix concerning the day's mystery mash, "What's the grub?"

****

Neelix, instead of answering the question, said, "Moncheir mademoiselle, and uh monsiers, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight, and now, let us pull a chair, we invite you to relax as the dinning room proudly presents, your dinner." (Mocheir is welcome in French. What he just said is from Disney's Beauty and the Beast)

"Okay, I'll take a suicide," said **Harry** ignoring Neelix's greeting. (Suicide is when you mix everything you can find together and eat or drink it, usually mixing soft drinks)

"A wise choice indeed," replied **Neelix**, filling his plate.

"I think I'm gonna blow chunks," moaned **B'Elanna**, concerning Harry's meal. (Blow chunks = vomit)

"Just put your head between your knees," said **Tom**, then added to Neelix, "I'll have a chocolate milk on the, ah, rocks."

"Your wish is my command," responded Neelix dutifully.

B'Elanna gagged.

Eventually, Tom, Harry, and B'Elanna all got their food and sat down to eat. They didn't get very far before Chakotay approached the table.

"Dr. Lector," cried **B'Elanna** in mock terror. (Think Silence of the Lambs or Hannibal)

"Hello Clarece," replied **Chakotay**, evilly, then he said to Harry, "Scootchatush" (move over)

Harry stood up and moved over, but doesn't sit back down. It became apparent that he had zoned out when **Harry** said, "E.T. phone home."

"Sit boy," commanded **Tom** and after Harry sat praised, "Good dog."

Out of nowhere, **Harry** said, "There's this cow in the middle of the road. I one it." (One as in won)

"I two it," said **Tom**.

"I three it," said **B'Elanna**.

"I four it," said **Chakotay**.

"I five it," said **Harry**.

"I six it," said **Tom**.

"I seven it," said **B'Elanna**.

"I eight it," said **Chakotay**, and immediately afterwards started banging his head against the table at his own idiocy. (Eight as in ate)

"You ate my cow?" asked **Harry**.

"No, I'm a vegetablearian," replied **Chakotay**. (vegetablearian = vegetarian)

"That's an interesting point," said **B'Elanna**, "Because I have heard on good authority that you have been eating pot roast for diner with the Captain."

"It's fake food," said **Chakotay**, "Not to mention she burns the crud out of it."

"That's too much information," screamed **B'Elanna** with her head in her hands.

"Uh hu," said **Harry**, with his mouth full of food.

"Hey," yelled **Chakotay**, "Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Don't chew with your mouth open," replied **Harry**.

****

Tom said, "Don't talk with your mouth open, I mean…"

"Mallhight Hom," said **B'Elanna**, trying to talk with her mouth closed. (Alright Tom with your mouth closed)

"This is one of the best breakfasts that Neelix has ever made," said **Tom**.

"Well, I'm glad your enjoying your breakfast, but we're all on dinner now," replied **B'Elanna**.

"Give it up," cried **Tom**. 

Noticing Tom's empty plate, **Harry** asked, "What happened to all of your food?"

****

Tom's reply came as, "*BURP*"

Everybody started laughing, including Tom, but well after everyone else had gotten over it, **B'Elanna** was still cracking up. She was laughing so hard that she was crying and slapping the table. Between gasps and laughs, she was trying to say, "Good times, oh that was classic."

"Was it really that funny?" **Harry** asked Tom.

****

Tom shrugged and asked B'Elanna, "Are you slaphappy?" (Slaphappy is when you're so tired that everything's funny)

****

B'Elanna contained herself enough to say, "I haven't gotten much snoozypooz lately," before cracking up again. (Snoozypooz = sleep)

In understanding, **Chakotay** said, "Dude."

****

Tom asked, "Dude?"

****

Harry shrugged and said and affirming, "Dude."

****

B'Elanna, who had finally contained herself, agreed and said, "Dude."

****

Tom, who was not following, asked, "Dudes?"

It was then that everybody realized that they had lost all track of the conversation and they all said simotainously, "Huh? Jinx." (When you say something at the same time as someone else, you can jinx them and they can't talk for a minute)

Abiding by the rules of the jinx, they all sat quiet for a few seconds until Janeway called over the com, "B'Elanna, I need you on the bridge on deck five."

B'Elanna looked around at them, as she had not yet served her jinx. The time until it was over seemed to be hours away.

Finally, **B'Elanna** gave in and tapped be com badge, asking, "You sure you don't mean sickbay?" (If sickbay isn't on deck five I'm sorry)

"No, I mean the bridge, come on," urged **Janeway**. 

"The bridge is on deck five now?" asked **B'Elanna**.

Finally catching her mistake, **Janeway** said, "Do what I mean, not what I say."

"Well what do you mean?" growled **B'Elanna**.

"Don't have a hissy fit, I mean the bridge," replied **Janeway**.

"Do I hafta?" asked **B'Elanna**.

"Kwitcherbelliakin," replied the **Captain**. (Quit your belly aching)

"Shuckydarn," moaned B'Elanna, "I don't wanna go, Captain." (Shuckydarn = dang)

"Don't call me Captain, I am now da dancin' foo," replied **Janeway**, "By the way, get chew tail up here." (Foo = fool in some form of slang)

"Well excuse me for livin'," complained **B'Elanna**.

"Andele," urged **Janeway**. (Hurry up in Spanish)

As B'Elanna got up to head for the door, Tom came with her. They both started walking toward a turbolift. As they enter the corridor outside of the mess hall, the door closes before Tom is all the way through, causing him to ungracefully jump out of the way.

"Have to be smarter than the door," said **B'Elanna.**

"Give it up," moaned **Tom.**

B'Elanna said, "I wonder if we can nab this thing just by talking.

"I don't dig," replied **Tom**.

"Seriously," continued **B'Elanna**, "Maybe we can burn its battery out."

"Oh, gotcha," exclaimed **Tom** in understanding.

When they stepped on the turbolift, and had started their assent, **B'Elanna** said, "I'm gonna hafta go soon."

"Well, see ya," replied **Tom.**

"Adios," said **B'Elanna**. (Goodbye in Spanish

"Hasta Luego," said **Tom**. (See you later in Spanish)

"Bubye," said **B'Elanna**.

"Hasta la vista," said **Tom**. (See you later in Spanish)

"I'll be back," said **B'Elanna**.

"You always have to have the last word don't you?" asked **Tom** as they stepped off the turbolift onto the bridge. Seven was at the science station nearby.

B'Elanna replied, "Considering what's at steak here, yeah."

"You didn't say something weird," exclaimed Tom.

"I think we got it!" cried B'Elanna.

They jump around for a minute while Seven leaves the bridge via the turbolift.

A few minutes later and a couple decks down, **Seven** said to the first person she saw, "I come in peace, take me to your leader."

A crewman that was nearby said, "I thought we we're through with this."

The person that Seven had just talked to said, "A virus doesn't just go away, I pity da fool who don't know that!"

Like it? Hate it? Tell me I can take it!

P.S. Point to ponder; After watching Lineage for the third time, I noticed that the doctor said that the fetus was seven weeks old. Now seven weeks is longer than a month. Unless they figured out someway to change this in the future, old Aunt Flow would have missed her visit and B'Elanna woulda noticed. Just thought I'd mention.


	2. Good Riddance

Disclaimer- Paramount owns them, I own nothing, dang

Disclaimer- Paramount owns them; I own nothing, dang.

Author's Note- I'm not sure if you people wanted another yakity yak, but I had to resolve this somehow and I came up with a lot more stuff for them to say. If you didn't like the first one, finish reading the author's note, then you can go. The reason that I say that is because I have an explanation for why I'm making them say all this weird stuff. Any of you that said they sound like they're in junior high school were right on the money, that's where I got all this stuff from. Ya see, the reason I know all of these weird sayings is because they are a part of my regular vocabulary. That's because ::drumroll please:: I'm only fourteen years old. Just figured I'd give you a reason for why I'm having them talk like this. Anyhoo, on with the story. By the way, you might want to read the first one before this if you haven't already.

****

Good Riddance (Yakity yak 2)

"Captain, Captain, I think we got rid of it!" B'Elanna was ecstatic and jumping all over the place in her excitement.

"Really? Good job, it was really getting annoying," replied Janeway while pushing B'Elanna down by the shoulders and forcing her to stop jumping, "but are you sure?"

At that point **Chakotay** walked onto the bridge singing, "_Body movin, body movin. A-1 sound, sound so soothing. Body movin, body movin. We be getting down and you know we're crush groovin_."

****

B'Elanna freaked out and yelled, "Beastie Boys," and then started singing, "_Now let me get some action from the back section. We need body rocking not perfection_."

She would have started the next line if it wasn't for a death glare that she received from Janeway.

"I, uh, I guess we didn't get it," B'Elanna stammered.

"You already showed us your astounding singing capabilities on April Fool's Day," said **Janeway**, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You heard that?" asked **B'Elanna**, filled with the same embarrassment that she had on the day of the incident.

"The Locomotion and The Monster Mash, I'm sure that was the point, but I heard your version of I Will Survive as well," explained Janeway.

"The Doc better hope he's on an away mission," fumed B'Elanna, hopping mad.

"Who squealed?" asked **Chakotay**, now moderately ticked off himself.

"If you must know, I heard him whistling after I got done singing, took Tuvok to keep me off of him too, but I don't see no Tuvok here," **B'Elanna** said as Tuvok walked on the bridge.

"Speak of the devil," **Janeway** exclaimed.

"Screw it," **B'Elanna** moped, concerning the fact that she wouldn't be able to decompile the Doctor's program.

"Savage," **Janeway** scolded.

"Give it up," **B'Elanna **exclaimed.

"I'm gonna get out of here before you both get mad at me and tell me to go crash a shuttle or something," said Chakotay, seeing that the conversation was heating up.

"Groovy," said **Janeway** as soon as he was out of earshot.

"Indeed," **B'Elanna** replied.

A puzzled expression crossed **Janeway's** face as she said, "I completely spaced why I wanted you up here." 

"Good job, I must admit," mumbled **B'Elanna**, adding insult to injury.

"Be gone," **Janeway** yelled.

"Alright don't have a cow," replied **B'Elanna** as she turned to go.

As soon as B'Elanna had left, **Janeway** walked to her ready room singing, "_The ship is docking, inter-lockin. And up-rocking electro shocking. We're getting down computer action. Do the robotic satisfaction. All of y'all get off the wall. Have a ball and get involved with…_"

As she stepped into her ready room, she was pleased to hear **someone, Tuvok **she later decided, sing, "_Body movin, body movin_."

'Now then,' she thought, ordering a cup of coffee and sitting down, 'how are we gonna get rid of this?' Eventually deciding that eight heads are better than one, Janeway called a meeting of the senior officers with the intention of them working together to find a solution.

A couple decks down, a turbolift door opened to let out a crewmember and caught the attention of a certain four senior officers, namely Tom Harry Seven and B'Elanna, who were all coming from different directions. They each started running to try to catch the turbolift before the doors closed. They all reached the door at about the same time and crammed themselves in. The turbolifts were meant to hold two people at most, it was a tight squeeze to say the least.

Someone managed to get out, "Observation lounge," before they realized the awkward position that they were in.

****

Seven cried, "My tities are getting crushed!" concerning the fact that her chest was pressed into the wall.

"Why am I not surprised?" **B'Elanna** asked, "They say if Barbie were made into a real person that she would fall flat on her face, I've been meaning to ask you how you stay up." (Jeri Ryan, my most sincere apologies, I grovel at your feet)

"Hey, I don't see you having a problem with yours, or lack there of," **Seven** pouted.

"Leave my tah-tahs out of this," **B'Elanna** shot back.

"Oh, do I detect hint of resentment?" asked **Seven** with an eyebrow raise that would put Tuvok to shame.

"No, acually, I like the fact that every man I pass in the corridors isn't drooling over me," **B'Elanna** replied.

"I have observed no such phenomenon in any of my time on Voyager, in your case, however, there is at least one man drooling over you," **Seven** pointed out.

"Way to change the subject," **B'Elanna** replied, "By the way, Tom, will you get your hip out of my stomach?"

"I thought you had two stomachs," **Tom** replied cheekily.

"Details, details," said **B'Elanna** making a futile attempt to talk with her hands and instead hitting Harry in the head.

"Watch it, gosh," exclaimed **Harry**, partly ducking his head.

"Wus," **Tom** muttered.

"Wanna say that to my face, ya limp noodle," **Harry** yelled.

"Meow," said **Tom**, just as Harry took a swing at his face. Tom fought back and soon they were decking each other despite the limited space.

"Whoever said that chick fights were worse than guy fights was dead wrong," **Seven** observed.

"You ever seen a chick fight, Seven?" **B'Elanna** asked.

"No, but we lack the enough strength to do any real damage," **Seven** said.

"You're an insult to your own intelligence, chick fights are so much worse," **B'Elanna** replied.

"I don't understand how they could be," **Seven** persisted, it earned her a bee-yatch slap from B'Elanna.

"You think a guy could ever do that?" **B'Elanna** asked.

****

Seven, who apparently was very upset with B'Elanna's slap, yelled, "You want a piece of me!?" while pulling at her hair.

****

B'Elanna scratched her nails against Seven's face, drawing blood, and yelled, "How do you like that, pussy!"

The two full blown fights soon merged into one that continued until they reached their destination and the doors slid open. This caused all of them to fall out of the turbolift in a bloody, messy blob of people on the floor. Out of pure dumb luck, they wound up at the Doctor's feet

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "In not even gonna ask."

A few minutes later they were all in the observation lounge, as disheveled as some of them were. After the Captain explained what they were there for they started working together to recap on everywhere and everyone that had been affected, trying to find something that they could use to make it go away.

When they reached the part where four of the senior officers were stuck in the turbolift, Janeway could not help but order them to tell what happened, she was curious after all.

They looked around at each other, trying not to be the one who had to explain. Finally, **B'Elanna** seemed to get very hyper and said in a very fast, very high pitched voice, "Alright-so-like-we-all-ran-for-the-turbolift-and-all-wound-up-inside-somehow-oh-my-God-it-was-cramped-in-there-almost-worse-than-the-jefferies-tubes-anyway-Seven-said-that-her-tities-were-crushed-and-we-got-in-this-big-discusion-about-that-uh-particulat-subject-and-I-made-some-refrence-between-her-and-Barbies-then-somehow-we-started-talking-about-how-many-guys-we-get-and-we-figured-out-I-beat-her-one-to-zip-then-Tom-stuck-his-hip-in-my-stomache-and-I-think-he-should-take-it-from-there."

They all stared at her in confusion for a minute, as they were all a few words behind her, then **Tom** suddenly got it and continued. "I mentioned that she had two stomachs and she hit Harry in the head, I called him a wus and pretty soon, we were beating each other up, ahem, Seven?"

"I said that guy fights are worse than girl fights, B'Elanna slapped me, I pulled her hair, she scratched my face and called me a pussy, what are you on? and I soon found out that chick fights are worse," **Seven** continued.

****

Harry took the incentive and finished the story, "Pretty soon we were all beating each other up. Then we reached this deck and fell out at the Doctor's feet. The end."

"Well, um, we have yet to figure out anything that will help us," Janeway observed.

The Doctor who seemed to have been in his own little world suddenly burst out, "Hey, I got the virus too remember?" Without waiting for an answer he continued, "Well, I did and you can turn me off, so if you turn me off while I've got the virus maybe it will go away."

"Let's take a whack at it," **Chakotay** exclaimed.

"We're gonna wanna do this in sickbay, we don't want any adverse effects on a mobile emitter that we can't fix," B'Elanna pointed out and they all left for sickbay.

As they left the observation lounge, they all eyed each other and the empty turbolift, started running, and somehow crammed all eight of themselves inside. By a miraculous feat of skill and ingenuity they all made it. To save space Janeway, Seven, B'Elanna, and the Doctor wound up on the shoulders of the men.

"We couldn't of taken the dignified way out of this, could we?" the **Doctor** pouted, "and why am I up here with the women."

"Where's the sport in that?" **Tuvok** asked, "and you can make yourself only as heavy as you mobile emitter, which I suggest you do before I have to drop you."

"Don't have a hissy fit," the **Doctor** exclaimed, and then as Tuvok's last statement sunk in he asked, "am I really that fat?"

Then they reached their destination and the doors opened to make them fall out into the corridor in the same pathetic heap that Tom, Harry, B'Elanna, and Seven wound up in in the first place. They managed to pick themselves up off the ground and made their way into sickbay with as much dignity as they could muster.

As soon as the Doctor was transferred to the sickbay holoemitters, **Janeway** asked, "Neh, what's up Doc." (Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fud)

Immediately afterward, B'Elanna pushed a few buttons to make him deactivate and then activated him again.

"Get lost!" the **Doctor** exclaimed.

"We didn't get it," **Harry** said with his head in his hands.

"We're gonna hafta decompile a hologram's program to get rid of this," **Janeway** moaned.

"To holodeck two!"** Tom** called.

"I got an idea, let's take different turbolifts this time," **Chakotay** suggested.

"Spoil sport," **Tuvok** called.

"Do what you want, me 'n' Chakotay are goin' differently from the rest of you," said **Janeway**.

"Captain, your english teacher would be appalled," **Chakotay** said playfully as they left.

"Alright people, here's what we do.." Seven said.

On holodeck two, six beams of blue light appeared and were soon replaced by six senior officers who had made a sight to sight transport from sickbay.

Chakotay and Janeway soon entered and **Chakotay **asked, "How'd you guys beat us?"

"We took the jefferies tubes," **Seven** said in her cool manner.

"Quit contradicting yourself, it'd take half an hour to take the jefferies tubes, were we really that slow?" **Janeway** asked.

All of the other party shrugged.

"I've got the perfect hologram to do this to, Computer activate hologram Michael Sullivan," **Chakotay** commanded.

"Nooo!" **Janeway** called.

"Yes," **Chakotay** said and laughed evilly.

Michael shimmers into existence.

"Chakotay, would you care to do the honors?" **Tom** asked.

"Certainly. Oh Michael, Knock knock" **Chakotay** called.

"Who's there?" **Michael** asked.

"Little old lady," **Chakotay** replied.

"Little old lady who?" **Michael** asked.

"Why Michael, I didn't know you could yodel," **Chakotay** said mockingly.

Noticing the confused look on Michael's face, Harry pushed a few buttons on the console and decompiled his program. Then he and B'Elanna started working furiously on the console.

"Computer, is the Michael Sullivan hologram still in existence?" Janeway asked.

"I ain't tellin" the computer replied.

"Oh my God, we gave it to the computer!" Janeway screamed and started freaking out.

Finally Harry and B'Elanna couldn't contain themselves anymore and started cracking up so hard that tears were streaming out of their eyes and they could hardly breath.

"Get outta here," Janeway said, figuring out what was so funny, "Ya didn't hafta program the computer to say that."

B'Elanna and Harry all but crawled out of the holodeck, still laughing.

"Yeah, good riddance, pulling that one on us," Chakotay pouted.

"Hey, we got rid of this thing!" Seven exclaimed.

They all started jumping around hugging each other.

That night Tom came to visit B'Elanna at her quarters.

As he came in, he sang, "_Everybody dance now_!"

B'Elanna was aghast and it obviously showed on her face because Tom started cracking up.

"Oh God, don't ever do that to me again!" she yelled.

Tom didn't answer but instead had the computer play Gonna Make You Sweat and they both started dancing around like robots. (Gonna Make You Sweat is Everybody Dance Now's real name)

The End

Please tell me if you liked this or not. Please? With sugar on top? And Ice cream? And cherries? And hot fudge? And whipped cream? I can keep this up all day so just review this please!


End file.
